Parenting a "porcupine" child

I was a special ed teacher long before I had a child with disabilities. My daughter was different since birth, but we did not recognize those subtle signs that she would be a divergent thinker for her entire life.. She thought differently, she reacted differently, and she learned differently.

I wish I had recognized her neurodiversity earlier. Teachers told me she was lazy or was not trying hard enough. Her brothers were in sports, and she

was excited to be part of that scene - she played her heart out in little league and pony league, but finally had to admit that she would never have the coordination to hit a ball in a fast pitch. As an adult she excelled in individual sports - rock climbing, yoga, hiking ... these were her areas of excellence and passion.

Even in preschool, she struggled to color in the lines. She struggled to hold a pen or pencil, and cutting with scissors was an exercise in frustration. Only when she was an adult did we realize she had auditory processing deficits as well as dysgraphia and dyscalculia. She struggled with vision, and we supported her with vision therapy which did help some.

We had Abby tested in third grade to see if she was eligible for services. The school psychologist determined that since her visual motor processing was around 80 standard score, there was not a discrepancy between ability and achievement in math. No one would consider that her other abilities and her reading comprehension was in the high average range (almost two standard deviations apart), and that this discrepancy was incredibly frustrating for her. I wish I had known to push the district harder for services. Abby spent the next five years thinking she was not intelligent.

In fourth grade, I found an inexpensive laptop device. I hoped that learning to type would help her complete assignments and bypass her writing difficulties. Most teachers refused to accept her typed work.

I wish I had had somebody honest enough to tell me how hard the parenting journey would be.

If I could do things differently, I would:

1) Help her realize that her learning differences were part of who she was, but were not "wrong" or did not make her "bad."

2) Push harder for support in school. Because she was a good reader, people discounted the other areas of frustration.

3) Push harder for alternative means of completing work. She became great at using a computer, but there were multiple teachers who accused her of having someone do her work because her writing on a computer was so much better than by hand.